Rate your current relationship Frequently Occasionally Seldom as based on the following symptoms.
- Do you feel as though you aren’t seen in your relationship ?
- Are your arguments with your partner destructive?
- Are you angry with your partner?
- Do you or your partner stop communicating for extended periods?
- Do you distrust your partner?
- Do you feel bitter about your partner and your relationship?
- Do you avoid your partner because the relationship is too painful?
- Is there a lack of intimacy in your relationship?
- Do you have trouble communicating or relating to your partner?
- Do you dislike how your partner behaves or relates?
- Are you tired of arguing with your partner?
- Is your communication with your partner painful?
- Do you and your partner feel as though you are drifting apart?
- Have you given up on your relationship?
- Do you blame each other for problems?
If you answer frequently for any of these questions, it is probably time to see a counsellor.
Throughout my life both in and out of practice I have come to see many of the difficulties in marriages. Many couple’s relationships are foundering dysfunctional systems and in many cases they don’t need to be that way. It is often the case that we live with our difficulties hoping that they will “just go away,” or that we can work it out ourselves,” or that “this is what marriage is.” This Does Not Have to Be!!!!! In so many cases it is possible to work with a counsellor on our relationships so that they can be creative and caring.
Some of the issues that help to create destructive relationships are: differences of values and beliefs, poor communication, assumptions, personal vulnerability, fear, individual personal issues, and the list goes on. I am distressed to see that couples will stagger through years and years of a dysfunctional marriage and not seek help. I am positively mystified by this lack of motivation.
It is so interesting that when our car has a failing transmission we get it fixed usually to the tune of hundreds if not thousands of dollars, but we will not seek help for ourselves our partners or our relationships. You aren’t expected to fix a transmission on you own, why would you expect to be able to fix a failing relationship. It’s that simple. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help from a Professional Counsellor or Psychologist. We don’t bite.